I love that when you are with a group of people there is generally an exchange of ideas and that you get to experience the group emotion or energy.  This mainly occurs with a group of people that generally care about each other and their purpose.  If you don't care about the group or its purpose why would you be a part of it? So the groups I hang with are generally a positive experience.  Groups always offer you the opportunity to learn something about the world or yourself, so they also always seem benificial to me in that way also.

When does that EVER happen?  This happens so little in my life that one to two times a year I make it a point to go on a private retreat for a weekend.  I go to the lake or to the farm completely by myself and do not allow myself to turn on the TV.  I turn on my phone for 1 hour between 8 and 9pm to talk to my daughter and that is it.  No contact with the outside world.  I just sit with my books, and my drawing and painting materials and think.  My favorite thing about being alone is that it gives me the time and silence to renew my spirit in a way that I am not capable of when I am with other people or susceptible to my family's demands.  It makes me take time to face myself and my choices with no outside influence to color my thoughts and allows me to discover how I really think and feel.  I wish I could afford to do this once a month, but with money and time being what they are, there is never enough of either, or should I say rather that there this is always just enough to take care of my responsibilities and I am often a luxury?

Are you kidding?  The list is endless because I am a single mom.  I cook, I clean, I organize, I help with homework, I drive, I work extra hours(money for my daughters future) I get up early,(just so I can see my child in daylight).  As much as I would love to complain and often feel overwhelmed, I love every minute of it.

That we will always disagree on something.  See here is the beauty of this statement, if you agree with me then I win and if you disagree with me you fulfill the statement.  It's brilliant I tell you, brilliant. LOL

I spent a long time dealing with horrific nightmares, where I would wake up terrified with my heart racing and only vague memories of a dream that would fade within minutes.  I have not remembered or awoke in a panic in couple years and I actually prefer it. 

I have dreams that I strive towards, but these occur in the waking moments.

My favorite saying since I was 17 has become.  "Do you know these people, Do you care what they think?"  NO I don't.  When it comes to people I love and care about yes, but the average person unless I have a relationship with you, no I don't really care.  That may be awful, but I have to be me and if you don't know me you are definitely not going to understand me or my motive probably 90% of the time. 

A good thing about this is that I realize the same may apply to anyone else, so it makes me mostly non-judge-mental by default. 

It is more of a series of meals.  Almost every Monday night I go over to my Uncle house and we have dinner together.  My Aunt died years ago and his children live farther away than I do.  My daughter and I go over and spend time with him just about every Monday night, I enjoy the food and the conversation. As a single mom of just one it helps to have more that 1 person to cook for and it is always good to spend time with family.  No one should eat every meal alone.  Plus he makes the best clam chowder I have ever had LOL.

I assume we are talking about chosen relationships.  My longest "relationship" was 9 years with my daughters dad. Ended 6 years ago and that's about all I have to say about that.

I need a job that changes.  I always need music though.  I would like to interact with people sometimes, but I also need to work on projects on my own.  I like to inspire other people to improve there abilities, but for me it is a fine line.  I was a manager for years and brought my work home with me.  I took care of my associates personally as well as managerially, finding them places to live, helping with car payments, helping the apply for scholarships. It just about gave me a nervouse break down.  So now I deal with people, but I manage projects not people.  That works out pretty good for me. 

I stand for the weak, for those who have a fighting spirit, but just need a hand up.  I do not stand for an entitlement society.  I think that we should have programs that reward those who try to better themselves, but does not help those who decided to just accept hand outs.  I stand for compassion and hope.

This is very sad to admit, but I had a child.  When this happened I had to take resposibility for my own actions and thoughts for her sake.  So I truly started standing up and thinking for myself when she was born.  A couple of near death experiences didn't hurt me none either.

I believe that love is often hard to find even though it is all around you. Love is putting someone else before yourself, but at the same time retaining your own self worth. Love is compassionate and often stern. I explained it to my daughter this way. That it will be very hard for her to understand love until she is responsible for another person or living thing, because true love does what is best for the one that the care about even if the person they care about will hate them for it. I told her I love her because I make her do what she needs to do. (aka making her do her homework and reading instead of letting her play video games, making her eat veggies instead of cookies etc) even though it has frustrated her and she has told me she hates me, it doesn't matter because I love her and that love is not dependent on how she feels about me or what she does. She told me that she understands, but she is a kid and sometimes it just seems like I am being mean. Such is life, love is not easy, but it is always worth it.

Green and I would use portfolio oil water soluble pastels.  It is the Christmas season and I am raring to go.  I love to bake so I have already made 4 batches of cookies and 3 batches of homemade truffles along with Jade soup and chili that I have been bringing to my older family members.  This is a great time of year, that can be filled with substance or shallow view points thus these special pastels.  My daughter has told me (she's 9) that it doesn't matter that we cannot afford many presents this year what is important is that I will be off work, she will be off school, and we will be spending the time together with family and friends.  I don't know how I have managed to raise such a compassionate and insightful child, but I thank god for every breath I take and for giving her to me.

I was looking for something or someone to help organize my thoughts in my head and to pull me into a deeper understanding of myself and how I relate to people.  I was looking for a safe place to express myself and have adult conversation without being judged so I could reach for the stars.  I have absolutely found that here.  THANK YOU

My current haircut came from a desperate need for some volume (just got a perm)  LOL  The most daring thing I have done with my hair besides going from hair that was down hald way down my back to half my head shaved (involuntary I had an aneurysm and had brain surgery)  I dyed my hair black when I was 16 (I used to be a blond)  It scared my dog so badly that when I came out of the bathroom he barked his head off for like 5 minutes until he figured out it was me LOL 

No pictures sorry, It was before the digital age LOL

Positive thinkers.  Those who believe that they can accomplish anything with enough hard work and planning.  These are the people who inspire us to be better people ourselves.  I am trying to remove the words "I can't" from my own child's vocabulary.  Anything is possible if you want it bad enough.  You can make your dreams come true.

I believe the two are not mutually exclusive.  They need to be used together.  Forgiveness is good, but it does not mean that there are no consequences.  I have always felt that compassion and being fair has to work together you have to show both to the perpetrator and the victim

This year my daughter and I plan on going away for New Years.  We want a quiet New Years where I don't feel guilty for not going over to some friends house the drink (they mainly have older children)  I want to spend New Years with my family and without the yelling for the hour or so afterward and now worries about the drunks driving home, so we are going on a family get-a-way and staying put.  I am excited.

Wings